I’ve been thinking…

It’s been 13 days since my last post. There’s good reason for that. The weather in DC has been amazing! I’ve been outside as often as possible. There were a couple of trips to the pool, some visits with friends, and a lot of running–gotta work off the winter (and spring) weight!

All of that time pounding the pavement got me thinking. As my thoughts turned away from my labored breathing they led me to think about this exercise–blogging. More specifically, it led me to think about how blogging effects relationships. Now, I’m not a huge reader of blogs, but I do keep up with a couple and what I’ve read lately has given me pause. I was reading one entry in which the writer (someone you do not know and will remain nameless) shared some qualities about him/herself. I as finished the blog, I couldn’t help but think about the selfishness that was wrapped up inside this person’s thoughts. The entry became a kind of self-disclosure–a confession without sorrow or desire to change. It’s the inherent danger of blogging I guess. You’re honest, but not in a way that invites sincere feedback. I’m concerned about where it could lead us. Instead of being open to hearing loving correction from a trusted friend over a cup of coffee, we can justify our faults as just who we are.

Last summer I read the book Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner. In it she describes her journey toward Jesus and the spiritual disciplines that develop that relationship. One of those disciplines was confession. Winner describes making an appointment with an Episcopal priest for the purpose of confessing her sins. The experience was transformational.

I’m feeling the need in my life for confession. I need relationships with people who will challenge my narrowness of thinking, who will lovingly point out my faults and point me in the direction of change. It starts with honesty, and not the virtual kind.

Where will this take my blogging habit? It probably won’t change all that much. I enjoy having an outlet like this to share my thoughts with friends, family, and ministry partners. I’ll just make sure I discuss some of my entries with a friend first. I think it will open the door for me to grow as a person–and it’s also another great excuse to fire up the espresso machine!

 

The Obligatory New Year’s Day Post

Here we are @ the beginning of a new year. 2008. I’m sure if you googled the word “resolution” you’d find millions of entries. For some reason changing of our calendars causes us to recognize our failures and promise to make some changes. Like bug to the zapper, I find myself drawn to the same irresistible light. So as I took my first run for the new year (and for awhile–see perfect storm post), I started to think of what I would resolve to do differently in 2008. The word that came to mind was equilibrium.

It all goes back to what I’ve been coming to terms with over the last three weeks. Being the parent of three children throws everything out of balance. This morning (after the kids woke up @ 5:30 am), I was making breakfast for Sam while Jen was feeding Nate. We’ve got two kids covered when Levi starts to have trouble making his oatmeal hit his mouth. He starts crying and flinging his breakfast. Jen who has her hands full yells for me to help Levi and my response (in typical male fashion): “I can only do 1 thing at a time!”

Having three kids does that to you. It throws things out of whack. You can’t meet everyone’s needs or keep things under control. Life is a little off-kilter. I find myself nostalgic for simpler times (remember when we just had Sam…) and looking forward to post-bedtime peace and quite.

During our holiday respite @ Jen’s parents (lots of peace and quite–thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Nana and Pawpaw!), I started reading The Lord of the Rings again. It’s become a sort of a Christmas tradition for me. This time I was struck by how Hobbits, creatures who “love peace and quiet,” are thrown into the middle of the greatest saga of their age, but instead of floundering, they become heroes. There are many times that they longed for the peace and quiet they once knew, but they found little of it on their journey. The challenges they faced got more difficult with every step, but they still succeeded. It’s not because they discovered the secret to a balanced life in Middle Earth. They didn’t uncover the art of equilibrium. Their success was realizing their purpose and they seeing it through to the end.

As I pounded the pavement tonight, the application rattled into my consciousness. Balance isn’t the answer. Peace and quite isn’t what I’m looking for either. I need to reconnect with my purpose and allow it to influence everything I do. What is my purpose? It’s to love Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and to invite my family and the university communities of Washington, DC to experience Him along with me. I’m overwhelmed. Peace and quiet aren’t synonymous with the life I’ve chosen, but I know that if I embrace what I’ve been given see it through this journey will be an amazing adventure!

“Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” This is what Jesus says to a disciple-wanna-be in Matthew 8. I guess purpose doesn’t guarantee a lot of pillow time. What I’m confident of is that wasting all that I am for this one goal will bring meaning to my mildly chaotic existence and fill my life with hope and joy.

So here’s to 2008! May God bless you with purpose and bring joy to your crazy, challenge-filled, overwhelming life.

 

I’ve lost control

I ran (literally) an errand about an hour ago. Little Nate’s nose is a bit stuffy so I volunteered to grab some saline from the store and took the chance to stretch my legs and work off some extra calories (thanks for all the yummy meals Stoddart friends!).

While running through the neighborhood, I began to realized how out of control my life really is. How did I get myself into this situation? Life was extremely simple before kids. Not including some compromises for the sake of my marriage, I did what I wanted to do. What did I do? The only thing that really comes to mind is I got a good amount of sleep. Oh how good that sleep was…but I digress. What really got me on the subject of my lack of control was thinking about Nathanael’s birth.

I had it all planned out really. Jen had been consistently past her due date with the delivery of both Sam (7 days) and Levi (4 days). Seeing a pattern, I schedule several important meetings right up to the due date. “No problem!” I would say when someone would ask, “I’ve got it all under control.” Hah! The lack of control was apparent @ 5:45 am on Tuesday December 11. For those of you keeping track @ home that’s 2-4 days before our due date depending on if you were using our HMO or our midwife’s prognoses. The first thought that came to mind when Jen shook me out of my blissful sleep (ahhh sleep) was, “This can’t be happening…I had a schedule!” I didn’t make any of my meetings that day.  It didn’t really matter though.  That’s the funny thing about when you’re “expecting.”  You prepare so you can be ready when it’s “time.” What’s really cool is that others allow for your absence so you can experience the wonder of the moment.

As I was running tonight I had this feeling that this is really how life is.  When it comes to the important things, we don’t really control much.  Don’t worry, I’m not becoming a fatalist.  I’m recognizing my limitations.  The power we have is in how we set ourselves up to deal with the crazy mess that life is.  I realize that I can’t control relationships, traffic, the weather, or my sons’ sleep cycles (or their birth days for that matter).  What I can do is make room to find joy in the unpredictability of these things.

Over the holidays I’m attempting an experiment.  I want to stop living in the frustration that comes from feeling like I’ve got to control everything.  I want to stop packing things in so I have to schedule life by the minute.  I want to stop procrastinating.  I want to allow for the flexibility that life in the real world requires.  I really don’t know how I’ll do, but I think I’ll find some joyful moments in the midst.

 

Jesus @ the Fountain of Cool

I went running tonight.  This habit of mine typically gets me thinking and many times leads me to praying.  What was I thinking about?  The iPhone.   Actually, I’ve been thinking about it for the better part of the last few days.  Before I went out the door, I found an article declaring  it the “Jesus Phone.” That made me wonder how Jesus would be connected to the latest communication craze.

I have a hard time imagining Jesus purchasing an iPhone.  He was an excellent communicator, but I don’t think you could call him trendy.  Besides, his dirty fingers (John 8:7) would have smudged up that beautiful screen.  But I think he would have visited the Apple store yesterday.  I can picture him walk up to the line and talking to one of the hopeful.  Maybe it would go something like this (see John 4):

Jesus: “Can you get me one of those phones?”

Buyer: “What do you mean?  Do you have $600?  I’ve been standing in line here since 5 o’clock this morning!”

Jesus: “If you knew who you were talking to, you would have asked me and I would have given you the connection you’re really looking for.”

I know, this is a bit cheesy for Jesus, but sometimes these thoughts while running aren’t the most clear.  Anyway, picturing this scene was convicting for me.  I find it a whole lot easier to get swept away by the “latest thing,” than contemplate the reason for my discontent.

As a pastor, the release of the iPhone made me ask myself a couple of questions.  What (or Who) am I running towards?  Where am I leading those who follow me?

 

Off on the Right Foot

“What I need to start off the New Year right is a challenge!” So I thought as I decided to enter the New Year’s Day 5-miler. Now those of you who know me (why else would you be reading this blog?) know that I’ve gone much further than this in my running adventures. The reason this was a challenge is I had a title to defend.

Two years ago, on a cold icy January 1st in Erie, Pa, my brother Dave and I ran this same race to fame and glory. Yes, I took first place in my age group (30-34) and he came in a close second (remember that finishing kick Dave?). Unable to defend my title last year, I decided to come back this year and claim what is rightfully mine. I wanted that plaque!

The weather didn’t cooperate this year. Two years ago, it was cold as all Jan 1sts in Erie should be. When we lined up to start the race @ 10 am, it was 46 degrees! I was wearing shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt! The unusually balmy weather brought out a large crowd of runners. After the starting horn sounded, my chances of winning faded like the backs of the crowd of thirty-somethings moving quickly over the horizon. No plaque for me.

Even though I was soundly defeated (the 3rd place finisher in my age group crossed the line 4 minutes in front of me), I was reminded of a few things about New Years Resolutions during my 40 minute trek around Presque Isle State Park and I wanted to pass them along.

1. Make the proper preparations before you start. Running performance is directly effected by the amount of rest you have and the food you eat the night before. Staying up until 2 am and eating Hickory Farms cheese and beef stick are not the keys to a stellar race day. When thinking about resolutions, I need to think about where I’m starting from and make realistic goals.
2. Just do it! There were a lot things keeping me from even showing up at the race. There was my lack of sleep, my intestinal issues produced by the aforementioned beef stick, no morning coffee (Mom’s pot was missing a piece), cranky children, the van was out of alignment, my fingernails were too long… You get the point. The famous Publishers Clearing House quote applies “You can’t win if you don’t play.” The same is true about resolutions.
3. Don’t start too fast. At the starting line, I was way up front. That was a mistake. The actual front-runners took off down the road and though I wasn’t silly enough to chase after them, it destroyed my race plan. My first mile was way too fast and I was slower every mile after that. I do the same thing with lifestyle changes. With resolutions it’s better to have a slow start and strong finish than a beginning sprint followed by a crash and burn.
4. Keep doing it. Starting out in front caused me to over-exert myself physically and be subject to the demoralization of having lots of people pass me. Physical pain and humiliation aren’t greatest encouragers. When it comes to resolutions, whether I’m trying to lose weight, read more, or grow spiritually I can always find someone improving at a faster rate. As a ran, I was reminded that resolutions help me to address my needs. They’re not for making me better than someone else and I lose the personal benefit if I stop because someone is “beating” me.
5. Track your progress and celebrate the accomplishments. I love mile markers in road races because every time I pass one, I can see I’m closer to the finish. It makes me smile to see how far I’ve come. Resolutions are goals. They are the finish line that remind us of where we want to be, but every step toward that line makes us better. Keep track of how you’re changing and celebrate the fact that even the slowest forward progress is making a difference.

There were probably a few more things going through my mind during that run, but this blog is long enough already and you probably don’t want to read about my prayers of desperation. Seriously, although it may not sound that way, I really did have a good time and I can’t think of a better way to start of a New Year than running off your holiday eating sins. Out-sprinting a few people at the finish line doesn’t hurt either.

You may be wondering what I chose for my New Years resolutions. Well, since I realized on my run they’re for my personal growth, I think I’ll keep them to myself.

Happy New Year!

 

A little too important in our own eyes?

I have to admit, I’m pretty tied to my cell phone. I have it with me all the time and unless I’m in a meeting I’ll usually answer it. If I accidentally leave it @ home, even if I’m only going out for a few minutes, I start worrying about all the missed calls. “I’m so important, people need to reach me!” I get some perspective when I return and find the voicemail tally @ zero.

When I was walking to campus, I saw a woman with a bad case of the “too important syndrome.” She was jogging. I mean, dressed to exercise, not just in a rush. While pounding the pavement, you guessed it, she was talking on her cell phone.

“No (gasp, pant) this isn’t a prank phone call! Now, about that appointment (gasp)…”

I can understand taking the phone with you in case of emergencies, but having a conversation. That’s going too far.

Tomorrow I’m going for a nice run in Rock Creek park and I’m leaving the cell phone behind. If you need me, leave a message, I’ll get back to you soon.